For couples .. Why do we sometimes sleep while we are angry?

We have always advised people not to go to sleep while we are angry, as it is a golden base to maintain a balanced marriage and a strong relationship. But modern psychology turns this rule upside down, noting that attempts to “liquidate the account before bed” may harm the relationship more than it benefits.

At the end of an exhausting day, charged with small feelings and transient situations, many husbands may try to resolve the dispute immediately before they go to sleep, for fear of anger. However, specialists assert that this behavior often leads to counterproductive results.

Psychologist Samantha Whiten of the US state of Maryland clearly says: “Insisting on solving the dispute before bed guarantees only one thing, you will fight while you are exhausted.”
Physical and emotional exhaustion makes it difficult to conduct a rational dialogue, while sleep and comfort sometimes are the smartest solution to save the relationship in the long run.

When is the discussion a bad idea?

Whiteen explains that the desire to end the dispute immediately stems from “romantic more than realistic”. It is cited a known treatment base in psychology that is shortened by the word (Halt), which is recommended not to take any important discussion when you are hungry, angry (Angry), alone or tired, tired, which are the four cases that often meet in the evening.

“At night, people rush to say things they will regret later, especially when they are mentally or tense.”

Psychologist Sabrina Romanov from New York suggests what she calls “the art of temporary stop”, which is not a neglect of the problem but rather a conscious postponement of the discussion to a better time.
“It is best to say to your partner: I know what happened is important, but let’s postpone the conversation until tomorrow after lunch or coffee,” she says.

This type of communication gives the two parties a sense of safety and confidence that the dispute will not be neglected, but will be discussed when the mind is more clear and the heart is more balanced.
“The ability to wait for feelings to calm down is not weak, but a acquired skill that needs to be practiced and mutual understanding,” Romanov continues.

The break is not an escape

Whiten warns of confusing the emotional break and withdrawing from the confrontation. The first aims to calm the soul before the discussion, while the second is an escape that accumulates tension instead of its solution.
She explains: “Each party must feel sufficiently safe to recognize the dispute without fear, and realize that the relationship is more important than victory in the argument.”

It indicates that people who cannot sleep before settlement of the dispute often suffer from deep concern about mystery or difficulty in calming the self.
She adds: “Control of feelings and calmness of the soul is one of the most important keys to mature relationships.”

Romanov advises couples to create regular communication sessions that are not only related to disputes, but rather a natural part of the day. Even the simple question: “How was your day?” It can make an environment of emotional safety that facilitates the debate when the dispute occurs.

It also encourages the use of “I” instead of “You” in the dialogue, such as saying: “I feel frustrated when you do not respond to my messages” instead of “You never care about me.” This simple change reduces the accusation and keeps the door for discussion open.
“Choose the right time for the conversation is more important than the conversation itself,” Romanov concluded.

Yes, you can sleep angry

It is not harmful if you go to sleep while you are upset, as long as you intend to wake up, wanting to solve, not revenge. Strong relationships are not based on avoiding differences, but rather to know when and how we face them.

Sleep this night may be better than argument until dawn, because love does not always need a lot of words, but rather a calm that restores the heart balance before a new day.